mind your business: Healing a Broken Relationship at Work
But healers work toward a solution. They try things and ask for advice. They refuse to accept that the future has to look like the present. They believe.
2. Avoid "Compensatory" Behaviors or Work-arounds
Those who don't believe a relationship will get better start to work around it. In medicine, such activities are called "compensatory behaviors," because the patient is "compensating" for the deficient limb or process. This can be a problem. First, it puts extra strain on the other parts of someone's life, and long-term problems can develop in the relationships that have to bear the extra weight. Second, compensating behaviors don't allow the original broken relationship to fully heal—they simply hide it.
3. Use Crutches and Other Aids Temporarily
On the other hand, doctors do prescribe crutches and other aids when damage initially occurs. It is not unreasonable to keep weight off a relationship for a bit while the anger subsides. But remember that doctors prescribe crutches so you can still function normally—not so you can avoid putting weight on the foot altogether. Life goes on despite our broken relationships. The proper temporary aids, like having a third co-worker present, or alerting a boss to keep things operating smoothly, are allowable, but only temporarily and in extreme situations.
Other temporary aids might include compliments and extra "thank yous." Think of these as adding ointments or Icy Hot to a broken leg. They don't heal it from the inside, but they do ease the pain and make it more bearable as the real healing happens.
4. Put It Up at Night
Medical doctors often recommend putting a broken leg up at night. This helps the healing process and can be thought of as "draining the blood out of it." The same thing applies to broken relationships—you need to drain the blood out occasionally. Many a close friend and partner have wished a loved one would put a broken relationship out of mind. Stop picking at the wound. Think of it as allowing your subconscious to work on the problem while your conscious self gets some time off. Either way, put it up at night. It will heal better if you don't worry constantly.