Your peers are finally returning from those completely unnecessary summer vacations that we’ve been discussing for the past few months. As they move on to other nonsensical concepts like “Back to School” mania, be sure to educate them on the ABC’s of fourth-quarter selling season etiquette. Always be closing with promotional products.
The best parts about British TV shows are the funny differences in pronunciation. For example, “aluminum” in 1-3-5 Promos’ Sweet Drink Aluminum Bottle would be pronounced “aloominiyum.” “Route” becomes “root,” “laboratory” becomes “labor a tree” and “Revolutionary War” becomes “la la la la that didn’t happen I’m not listening.” For more information, visit www.135promos.com.
In weather like this, you need to avoid the heat at all costs. My favorite way to hide from the sun is in Tri-Mountain’s Momentum Camo T-shirt, which I wear while never leaving my house. You thought I was going to say I hide from the sun with camouflage, didn’t you? For more information, visit www.trimountain.com.
I was suspicious that Starline USA’s Nexus Drop-Button Duffel might actually be a Nexus-6, one of the android replicants from Blade Runner, so I administered a Voight-Kampff test. The duffel just started talking about “c-beams glistening in the dark near the Tannhäuser Gate” and dropped a little origami unicorn. So I guess the test was inconclusive. I still don’t understand that movie. For more information, visit www.starlineusa.com.
One branch of quantum mechanics postulates that divergent events are not mutually exclusive, and that every time a decision is made, the opposite decision is simultaneously made, creating a new universe and timeline. If this is true, then all possible decisions exist, meaning that somewhere there is a world where it is always football season, and we’re ready with Premium’s NFL Football. For more information, visit www.premiumasi.com.