The Art of Loving Negotiation
Believe it or not, there's more to negotiating than having leverage and being "really into yelling over a guy while he's trying to talk." If you want to win more arguments, sell more products and generally get more for your business, you need to be the best negotiator possible. And there's more to it than "trusting your gut" and being able to pummel the other side into submission.
Negotiation isn't a bar fight where you can count on aggression and brute strength to win. It's not a fencing match dictated by feints and speed. It's not chess, checkers, Chutes and Ladders or hopscotch. Really, if anything, negotiation is like dating.
There's emotion, compromise, subtext—all that lovely stuff from the world of romance that makes it such nerve-wracking, palm-sweating fun. Like love, in negotiation, empathy has more value than strength, sincerity is more useful than deception, and a sense of humor and some flowers will win out over money every time (you know, provided they're really nice flowers).
So, ready to forgo war and give love a try? Check out these five huggy, cupid-like tips to transform yourself from a boardroom barbarian into the most loveable—and successful—person at the negotiation table.
1. Anticipate Their Objections
Similar to dating, often the first step of successful negotiation is being able to deflect the "No." And, as those of us who have been unexpectedly shot down plenty in the past can tell you, being prepared for the "No's" ahead of time makes it way easier to answer with something other than "but-but-but why?"
"Great negotiators anticipate objections before they even happen," said Ryan Sauers, president/owner of Sauers Consulting Strategies, Stone Mountain, Ga. He suggested playing through possible conversation paths a negotiation could take in your mind, picking out likely objections that will be raised at each one and coming up with answers.
The best way to find these answers? Putting yourself in your opponent's shoes and thinking about the "why's" of their motivations. "If you can get to their why, their bottom line that's making them guard their position, you'll find the worldview or truth that won't let them bend," Sauers said. If you work to understand their position, you will not only be able to better counter "no," but also be in a good position for the next step, which is working to create that fabled "win-win" situation.
2. Work Along Common Interests
Negotiations, like love, work best as a collaborative partnership and not a screaming match where you're competing to see who can throw dishes across the kitchen the farthest. The more you work toward mutual benefit, the better your results will be (and the less you'll have to spend on new plates, which is always a plus).
"Most naïve negotiators think only about 'I-win-you-lose,'" said Professor Seth Freeman, adjunct professor of negotiation and conflict management at NYU's Stern School of Business and at Columbia University. "If you do that, you're often missing huge opportunities. Not just to create wealth, but also to create better relationships and improve your trustworthiness."
"Excellent negotiators think and talk a lot about common interests," Freeman explained. "That is, what is it that allows this sentence to be completed: 'Look, we're not enemies here, we're on the same side. If we work together, we can ________.' If you can come up with an answer that's specific, compelling and not self-serving, it can often turn adversaries into partners, sometimes shockingly so."
3. Have 5 Options for Each Negotiable Point
Once you've completed point #1, anticipating their possible objections, and point #2, figuring out some common ground, you're ready for point #3: Having a ton of options ready for each point of debate you're facing.
"Excellent negotiators come up with many more creative options than mediocre negotiators," Freeman said. "Typically, an excellent negotiator comes up with five creative options for each negotiable topic, which seems excessive when you're doing it at first, but I can't tell you how many times students have come to me and said, 'You know if anything, I wish I've had more.'"
Having a lot of options handy not only gives you some major negotiation maneuverability, it's also an easy sign of good faith (e.g., "Hey, guys, I care so much about your end of the deal that I thought of 15 to 25 ways that you could maybe get something you want."). But, how to come up with five options per point?
Think back to points #1 and #2—plan out offers that will deflect any objections that might arise, and/or give your opponent something that fulfills one of their core needs. Explore these two lines of thought from all sides. What could possibly cause the deal to go bad, and what collateral or guarantees can you offer to reduce those risks? Do you have resources you can offer besides cash that those across the negotiation table from you may badly want (e.g., marketing services, tech support, discounts at a future date)?
4. Don't Let Your Emotions Get the Best of You
In relationships, we all know what happens when someone loses their temper (see the "hurled dishes" example above). Nobody gets anything done, a ton of time is wasted and more problems are created than solved. The same is absolutely true of negotiating.
Sauers stressed minding your emotions, citing it as one of the most common mistakes people make in negotiations. While allowing that we're all human and, therefore, all have our emotional flaws, he insisted that you can't let things get personal and lose sight of your goals. Pick an emotion: Anger, pride, fear—they all have their obvious consequences.
Two emotions, frustration and obsession, can lead to a particular and unfortunate negotiation problem: getting stuck on a specific point, or "beating a dead horse." There is bound to be repetition in any negotiation, but when you hit that specific, mentally frozen point where you're just repeating: "But I need this, but I need this," that's when you know you're losing it. You've lost your leverage, your prepared options were ineffective and off-base, and it's becoming more and more likely that these negotiations are going to crash and explode into a big ball of mutually immolating fire.
Doesn't sound too great, right? To avoid such a fiery end, Sauers offered a way out of this mental lock. He explained it's often caused by not fully working toward a common interest and understanding the "why" of your opponents' desires. So, if you find yourself stuck on repeat, take a step back, think about what you and your opponent really want, and see if you can't draw a new, more appealing path for each other.
5. Be Yourself
You may be tempted to enter a negotiation with a prepared persona. Whether it's a more intimidating, more friendly or more like Arnold-Schwarzenegger-from-Terminator-2 version of yourself, know that it's not really necessary.
"Studies find that you can be aggressive and do well, you can be nice and do well, but if you're unprepared, you won't do well either way," said Freeman.
"I have a personality, I have my own preferences for approaching people, but I don't try to urge my students to be like me. I urge them to be like themselves, to use their training to make them more effective," he added. "You can retain your natural character and style and personality, and be fine with whatever that is, but there are certain skills that make a difference."
- Places:
- Stone Mountain, Ga.